dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
Randomize
