Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
Randomize