"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
Randomize
