Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
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