so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
no you cant smoke seaweed
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
Randomize
