the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
Randomize
