How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
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