I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Randomize
