I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
ya dads aren't the best wingmen
She went from zero to smokin in five shots
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
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