I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
Randomize
