this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
Randomize
