just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
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