I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
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