Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
Randomize
