I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
this is an emotional support booty call
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
Randomize
