Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
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