Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
Randomize
