I don't usually arrange sex via text message
wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
Randomize