It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
