I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
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