I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
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