i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
Randomize
