no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
soo... how was my night?
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
Randomize
