He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
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