and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
Randomize
