i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
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