YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
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