quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
Randomize
