i am watching brooke knows best right now and hulk is totally dating his daughter's look a like. it is gross and disturbing.
the most pressuring question is, why are you watching brooke knows best?.
True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
Randomize
