Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
Randomize
