just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
My bed is full of blood and feathers
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
Randomize
