too bad you live with your parents still
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
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