saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
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