the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
Is that strawberry winking at me??
Randomize
