I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
Randomize
