Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
I want to be your penis for a week.
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
Randomize
