i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize