I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
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