His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
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