i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
do nipples grow back?
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Randomize
