In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
Randomize
