You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
Randomize
