I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
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