Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
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