This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
Tornado booty call.. dedication
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
Randomize
