I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
Randomize
