I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Randomize
