You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
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