If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
this is an emotional support booty call
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
Randomize
