Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
