Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
