I wanna bring you to show and tell
bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
Randomize