singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
Randomize
