Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
Everything about him screamed your future.
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
Randomize
