Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
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