"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
Randomize
