How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
Randomize
