So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
50% drunk capacity currently
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
Randomize
