I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
A bitchslap is in order.
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
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