last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
my being single is dangerous.
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize