moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
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