peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
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