At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
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