I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
Randomize
