My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
Randomize
