I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
Randomize
