i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
