it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
Randomize
