hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
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