i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
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