I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
I made him laugh his dick is mine
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
Randomize
