I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
Randomize
