No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
You should frame my arrest warrant.
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
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