I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
