don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
Just invented taco cereal.
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
Randomize