Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
Randomize
