we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
Randomize
