We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
I think we might need a safe word for this...
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Randomize
