At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Randomize
