I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
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