So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
I think I just saw someone hide a body.
I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
Randomize
