if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
Randomize
