No awkward lesbian experiences without me
WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
Randomize
