remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
Randomize
