well I can't set my house on fire every night
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
