Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
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