i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
Randomize
