I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
Randomize
