I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
Randomize
