I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
Randomize
