I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
Randomize
