I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
I wish they made helmets for livers.
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
Randomize
