I think men at large are the problem in most or all relationships. It's like trying to drag a three-legged retarded puppy through an obstacle course
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
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