From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
I'm at about main and main street
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
Randomize
