We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
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