It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
Randomize
