As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
Randomize
