yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
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