My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
Randomize
