I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
I'm too high and old for this...
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
Randomize
