im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
The air was thick with penises
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
Randomize
