A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
Randomize
