I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
Randomize