It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
oh god was she eating orange peels again
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
Randomize
