In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
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