She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
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